Self-Confidence, Exit Strategies, and the Right to Say ‘No’

How wonderfully “normal” this summer has been. We’re back to gathering with family and friends, to parties and to attending festivals and performances. Also, youth and young adults will soon return to school or head to college, and the accompanying social events. But with gatherings comes social pressure to use alcohol and recreational drugs. That can be especially challenging for those prone to substance misuse or other vulnerable people, but also for anyone who decides, “I prefer not to.”

We’ve all heard the cliché: “If your friends all jumped off a bridge, would you?” However, our friends aren’t jumping off bridges; they’re likely having fun, so we need coping strategies to avoid pressure when we want to say “no, thank you” or “no more.”

Recognize the pressures.

The first step in managing social pressure is to recognize the two types: direct and indirect. Direct pressure includes peer pressure, as well other offers, invitations, or encouragement to drink or use recreational drugs. It also includes more aggressive forms of pressure, such as bullying. Indirect pressure comes from a setting where alcohol or recreational drugs are being used, even if not offered.

Know your resistance.

Once you know the risk, be honest with yourself about your ability to resist. Try to avoid those situations where you don’t have confidence in your power of refusal, or where you’ll feel uncomfortable not drinking or using.

Rehearse your “no”.

It’s easy to tell yourself you’ll say no, but it can be harder when confronting the pressure to drink or use recreational drugs beyond your personal limit. Imagine yourself in different situations, and how you’ll respond.

• Rehearse those responses out loud so they become second nature. It will empower you to be assertive.
• Work through how you’ll respond to someone who repeats the offer. 
• If having a reason to say “no thank you” gives you more confidence, practice that as well.
• When someone persists, a short, declarative statement, repeated if necessary, can get your point across. In Herman Melville’s short story Bartleby the Scrivener, the title character stymies his employer’s every request with the simple but effective, “I would prefer not to.” Also be prepared to disengage and walk away.

Plan your exit.

Have an exit strategy: arrive knowing how you’ll leave if the pressure becomes too strong.

• If you’re with friends, discuss in advance their plans and willingness to leave.
• Have a plan B, such as someone you can call, or check the availability of ride-share, public transportation, or taxi services.
• If you need it, prepare an excuse to leave – but remember, it’s your choice and you don’t need to explain yourself.

Additional Strategies: Props and Supporting Actors

Also be aware of non-verbal communication. If you have a non-alcoholic drink in your hand, others are less likely to offer you a different drink. It also can help you feel more at ease. When you’re engaged in conversation or another activity, it tells others, “I’m busy, please don’t interrupt.”

If you’re with a trusted friend who respects your decision, or others who are making the same choice as you, look to them for support. You can be each other’s wing-person. Likewise, if you know and trust the person hosting or leading a party, let them know your boundaries. If you’re in a public setting, such as a bar or restaurant, inform your server that you’re not drinking alcohol. That can avoid having to repeat yourself every time they take drink orders.

Exercise Your Right to Say No

Above all, remember that it’s your right to say “no” or “enough.” Anyone who doesn’t respect your choice, doesn’t respect you. Make your decision with conviction, knowing that it’s right for you.

If you think you, or a loved one, is affected by substance misuse, BCCS is here to help.

Our prevention and early intervention programs, including Reduce the Risk (RTR) and Students on a Quest Uniting Against Drugs/Alcohol (SQUAD), provide youth and young adults resist substance misuse.